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Types of Roommates

1 Aug

Searching for a roommate can be as good as searching for a bride. 

You want someone to whom you can connect and feel comfortable sharing your apartment and personal things. It’s a relationship that may or may not last longer than two years. And you may gradually end up getting divorced because of fight with roommate or if he/she graduates, finds internship, etc. and then the search begins from step one. You can think of roommate as contractual marriage.

Some of these relationships can be memorable, whereas others can be horrifying.

Types of roommates:

 1. You end up with a roommate who always wants to reduce rent and ends up adding more and more people to your unit. (Rent 800/10 = $80 pm per head) He/She just understands the language of money and savings. And, you better not object his/her decision because he/she is the lease holder and any confrontation can lead to you being homeless overnight.

2. Your roommate labels  all the products in a refrigerator with his/her name and you better not drink milk from his /her gallon or borrow an onion, if you want to live peacefully. Over the period of time, his/her label on products becomes the brand name of the products itself. Example: Hritik milk, Hritik Ketchup, Hritik Onion, Hritik Lemon, etc.

3. On the other hand there will be roommates who won’t miss an opportunity to steal your food items in your absence and then have courage to deny, even when it’s too obvious. Guy’s if you are hungry, just ask. Think about people who come home after class or work, assuming that food is left in refrigerator, only to find that there’s ghost in their apartment who eats food in their absence.

4. A roommate who has just entered USA and has been around for few months will try to FAKE American Accent, which definitely sounds stupid and funny to us but he thinks that he has got mastery over the language and will leave no stones unturned to impress you.

5. There are few who will hug you, kiss you and project as if you are their life and they will do anything for you. Brother from another mother types, but ditch you when you need them.

6. He/she threatens to call police or housing for every minor issue that can be settled peacefully by talks.

7. A roommate for whom life is all about partying, drinking, smoking and sex. He is one of those creatures who won’t give a damn about his career, forget about yours. He is also one of those who will puke once a week and ends up urinating in wash basin.

8. A roommate who is always short of cash and never pays rent on time. Begs, borrows,scams and arranges somehow but still money is never sufficient. But, ask him for booze and suddenly you will see $500 balance in his wellsfargo account.

9. You might come across a roommate who will give you paid rides to Walmart even though he/she is going to share groceries. And at times, overcharge you by few cents on every product.

10. A roommate who believes in rounding off all numbers. He owes you $102.79 but will transfer only $100 or $102. I assume his fingers will hurt if he/she will type few extra digits “.79”

11. I NEED TIME: A character who takes 15 minutes to pee and 30 minutes to attend natures call, bathing is never less than an hour. UTILITY at UTA is FREE – Yayyy !!! Dude, others also stay in this apartment who needs to use restroom.

12. A roommate who doesn’t know how to use restroom. Goes for bath and there’s swimming pool ready for you when he/she comes out or if he urinates, you will have“urinary abstract art” allover the pot, no matter how many times you explain him how to use English toilets.If he/she uses wash basin, you will find water scattered all around – including walls. Were you dancing while washing your hands?

13.  A roommate who will borrow your car and have party at your expense. He will use 3 gallons on fuel but refuel just 1-2 gallon. He is one of those kind, who will drive your car all the way to Dallas just to have dosa worth $9. So cost is $8 for fuel and $9 for dosa = $17 total cost for dosa. He won’t be courteous enough to even give you a call and ask if you want something to eat. In short, you end up sponsoring him for his need.

14. You might come across someone who claims to be super rich and intelligent but he’ll be the sickest person on this planet with his brains smaller than rodents.

15. You end up leasing your apartment to your friend who is so called “homeless” and you trust his word that he will make rent payments on time and will find you another person, if he/she decides to move out. What happens next is that you are screwed; you are idiot to trust someone blindly because he/she decides to disappear as lease isn’t on his/her name. Reason: “I got an internship and anyways, I didn’t stay”.

Yes brother, you didn’t stay for two months but wasn’t it your responsibility to make payment as it was leased for definite period? Not having name on lease doesn’t free you from liability..Where are your morals?

16. A day before the exams this person will be working hard strategizing on how to copyrather work hard and study for exam. He will call up all the sources and seniors asking for past exams.

17. A roommate who is never at home or class. His or her daily schedule is- motel to gas station to sleep and same cycle again. Did you come here to study or work in motel? No wonder you are on PROBATION!!!

18. A roommate who thinks himself as a stud – he’s the best in world, girls will die for him and he assumes that he has power to do anything in the world. In reality he lacks self-esteem and you can see that…

19. You might come across a roommate who will give your free advice no matter what, ranging from education to relationship to finance to sex to conflicts, but he won’t make any sense.

20. You may end up with someone who keeps bitching and gossiping about every damn thing in this world. Gossiping gives him kind of high. Good for him/her, it’s better than drugs and you don’t get arrested for gossiping!!!

21. Your roommate can be one of those who has zero discipline and negative organization skills. You will find his socks in hall way, underwear hanging somewhere in apartment, books scattered around, someone who will always keep losing apartment keys, and blame neighbors for cockroaches and bedbugs in your apartment.

22. Be on lookout for strip club maniac in your room.

23. A roommate who won’t contribute a dollar for “netflix” or other physical assets in your apartment like microwave,iron, iron board, TV, DVD Player, PS3, etc. but he wants to use them all as if he owns them. If he/she ends up damaging your property, he/she won’t have courtesy to tell you that they were responsible. And, you don’t have all the time on this earth to play role of “ACP Pradyuman” from C.I.D to find out who damaged your property.

24. Outnumbered: You might end up with roommates who will outnumber you and screw your life. Example: (No offense to any community) If you are from North and stay with three guys from South, they won’t  have courtesy to talk in a language that is understood by all. And if you end up in verbal argument, they might kick you out or file false report against you. You will have no defenses because of this groupism. Few people fight back against injustice, most don’t. 

25. Someone who will wash his/her clothes once a month and bath 2-3 times a week just because he/she didn’t sweat and don’t think that it’s really required to bath. Yes, we need to save water!!!

26. You may come across a character who borrows a book from you for a day and same night at 2am you catch him/her in Central Library scanning you book, for which you paid $150 on amazon and he got free scanned copy, which soon entire class will have. Now, that’s open violation of copyright!!

27. Only 4 people stay in unit but he/she will always cook for 6 people. Guess who are the other two? Thrash Can and neighbor

28. This guy doesn’t believe in washing utensils. You will find same the spoon laying around in wash basin till the day of his graduation. And roommates too don’t bother because it’s not their spoon. Guy’s take ownership and get it cleaned.

29. A roommate who is eagerly waiting on FEDEX package delivery (snacks, sweets, home-made food) that your parents will send. And even before you can grab a bite, he’ll be done with emptying some of your yummy home-made food. A time will come when you will start hiding some of your food in your locker, closet, under your bed, etc. to make sure that your roommate doesn’t get hold of any.

30. A roommate who ends up emptying shampoo or body wash bottle for which he didn’t even contribute a dime. 

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Orkut – A brief Introduction and Uses

2 Jan

What is Orkut?

“Orkut is an online community designed to help people connect, build relationships and create engaging communities around common interests.” (Keep Orkut Beautiful, 2006)

How to use Orkut:

Image

Six steps to using Orkut:

1)      Sign In- A user can sign in Orkut using his credentials from a current Google account, or he may create an Orkut account.

2)      Profile- A profile allows each user to express themselves. They can add photos, interests, and any information they would like to share.

3)      A user can look at the profiles of friends or people who are interested in connecting with him.

4)      Users can send ‘scraps’ to their friends. Scraps may comprise of items such as photos and notes.

5)      Users can create a photo album to upload their photos too. This would allow their friends to see their pictures.

6)      Users can adjust their privacy settings to avoid unwanted people from viewing certain information from their profiles. (Contributor, 2012)

 Pros and cons of Orkut:

 Pros:

  • Scrapbook feature- allows users and their friends to add items to the users’ scrapbooks.
  • Can add pictures and information such as “about me” like other social media forums.
  • Helps users to find friends who are scattered and be in touch with them virtually.
  • Testimonials are as good as recommendations section of LinkedIn. Orkut users can write testimonials for their friends, which when approved by the user for whom recommendation is written, gets posted on the wall of the user profile.

 Cons:

  • Finding friends on Orkut is difficult. It lacks options to reduce the search results.
  • Due to lack of popularity and marketing, it is not as commonly used as other social media like Facebook. This makes it difficult to find past friends you would like to reconnect with.
  • It does not have the option of pages like Facebook. Instead, groups can be made with limited features.
  • There are so many fake profiles; it makes it difficult for users to know which ones to trust.
  • Not as user friendly when compared to its competitors. Instead of IMs and chatting on “walls”, there are posts that users can reply to. This reduces the feeling of having fluid conversations.
  • There is no option to upload files (other than your picture) and create documents.

 Use of Orkut in engaging users:

Positives

  • Several small businesses started using Orkut for better understanding of customer’s perceptions of their brand as they could not afford advertising.
  • Several automobile companies started using Orkut as a complaint board wherein they took customers complaint seriously as it was early warning of potential product or service issues.
  • Large number of companies used this online platform to create and measure brand awareness about their product and services.
  • Music companies started using Orkut communities as it was a powerful distribution channel as its effect can be viral.
  • Universities started using Orkut communities to get feedback from students and students could rate their professors.

Negatives

  • In 2006, India and Pakistan were exposed to numerous hate groups formed on Orkut “with over 1000 groups dedicated to hating celebrities, politicians, math, and sports teams alongside nationalities and rival countries.” (India, Orkut, and the ‘balance of information’, 2006)
  • “Shiv Sena” is a local political party in India which is very aggressive in its activities ordered its followers to attack the cyber cafes around the region, if cyber cafes didn’t stop their customers from accessing these Orkut communities, which ultimately led to riots as all the cyber café establishments did not follow the orders (Mishra, 2009). At that time there were no controls such as “report this” or “flag” options that would report the abuse of social media.
  • The Shiv Sena also asked its supporters to flag these communities on Orkut, so that they could be banned. They created numerous fake profiles, ultimately leading Google to ban several profiles and communities on Orkut for a short period (Mishra, 2009).

Long term viability of platform:

Today people do not want to move from Orkut to Facebook because they have already created a social network on Orkut. But gradually their network is shifting to Facebook as Facebook is helping them do it by suggesting friends, people they might know, friend’s friend and encouraging them to find friends. Unless Orkut innovates, markets, and gives its early users a reason to come back it will surely lose out its users to a giant called Facebook.

Facebook versus Orkut:

 

Facebook Orkut
Launched 2004 2004
Total Users 955 million (2012) 41 million (2012)
Indian Users 52 million (2012) (Up from 5.5 million in 2005) 4 million in 2012(down from 15 millionin 2005)
Friends Search – Less filters
+Multiple  address books
+More Filters-Only Gmail address book
Interface + Wall gives high visibility to happenings in network – Spamming issues
Applications/
Zynga
+ More than 350 million application usersZynga’s relationship with Facebook was an added advantage -Launched applicationsin 2010 but failed toengage users
Spamming/Abuses + Better Privacy Settings – Poor PrivacySettings
Daily active users + 552 Million (2012) – 9 Million
Visibility + Creates a brilliant viral effect – Very poor in creating viral effect
Group/Fan Pages  + Up to date and much better groups and fan pages allowing users to effectively communicate and see Member statistics. – Limited number of peoplecan communicate in

groups

– No Fan Pages

– No means to

measure members

statistics

Communication    Wall
+ Every update becomes a thread and hence engages users
   Scraps
+ Communication is                               isolated
Activity               You can see your/friends activity on wall No option for                                   activity log
Testimonials – No option for testimonials/recommendations + Option available

(Facebook vs. Orkut in India) (Press, 2012) (India, Orkut, and the ‘balance of information’, 2006)

The table above compares Facebook with Orkut. While both communities were launched in the same year, it is quite obvious that their memberships vary drastically. Facebook has a significantly larger following than Orkut. Facebook has added features such as better privacy settings and fan pages that have increased its market share in the online community sector. To achieve longevity and increased market share, Orkut must not only meet the standards set by Facebook (an industry leader), but also create unique user friendly features that would encourage users to give Orkut a second chance.

References

India, Orkut, and the ‘balance of information’. (2006, October 16). Retrieved August 23, 2012, from OpenNet Initiative: http://opennet.net/blog/2006/10/india-orkut-and-balance-information

Keep Orkut Beautiful. (2006, October 3). Retrieved August 22, 2012, from Orkut: http://www.orkut.com/Main#About?page=keep

Contributor, a. e. (2012). How to Use Google Orkut. Retrieved August 23, 2012, from eHow tech: http://www.ehow.com/how_2221855_use-google-orkut.html

Facebook vs. Orkut in India. (n.d.). Retrieved August 23, 2012, from Ghumantu Batuta: http://naveenmeena.in/facebook-vs-orkut-in-india/

Mishra, G. (2009, February 28). Shiv Sena’s Orkut Campaign: The Limits to Freedom of Expression in an Intolerant India. Retrieved August 23, 2012, from Global Voices Advocacy Defending Free Speech Online: Shiv Sena’s Orkut Campaign: The Limits to Freedom of Expression in an Intolerant India

Press, T. A. (2012, July 26). Number of active users at Facebook over the years. Retrieved August 24, 2012, from boston.com: http://www.boston.com/business/technology/2012/07/26/number-active-users-facebook-over-the-years/OAsT5SjyrppzpgWLroa7ON/story.html

Why Women Worry More | Psychology Today – by Nigel Barber, Ph.D. in The Human Beast

27 Dec

Why Women Worry More | Psychology Today.

Anxiety: The good and the bad

Anxiety is a protective emotion that keeps us away from threats to life and limb, whether that is working on top of roofs, or sawing down large trees. There are very few female roofers or lumberjacks.1

Indeed, every dangerous occupation, from fishing to mining is dominated by males who are overwhelmingly the gender that dies in industrial accidents such as boats being lost in a storm or mine shafts caving in. Women are also more religious which makes sense if one thinks of religious ritual as a way of warding off threats.2

Health researchers know that women take better care of themselves.1They are more likely to receive medical checkups when they are well, less likely to abuse alcohol, or smoke, and more likely to take regular exercise to control their weight.

Women are much less likely to die in car accidents because they drive more safely. Low female risk-taking was favored by natural selection because women taking fewer risks were more likely to survive and therefore more likely to raise children to maturity.

The down side is a tendency to worry too much. Women are more vulnerable to anxiety disorders. Chronic anxiety also causes depression. This helps explain why women are twice as likely to be diagnosed with clinical depression compared to men (Of course, they are also more likely to seek help for emotional problems whereas many depressed men go untreated).

On the other hand, male risk-taking was favored because riskier men acquired higher social status by not backing down from confrontation with peers. This is why men are most fearless, risk-taking, and violent, in young adulthood, an age that is critical for establishing a pecking order amongst peers.

One might imagine that such strong patterns of gender differences would be hard to change but that is not true. Younger women today are much less risk averse than earlier generations. One plausible reason is that women today are exposed to a great deal more competition including sports, vying for academic success, and climbing the occupational ladder.

Young women take more risks

As more women join the full-time workforce, and compete over high-status jobs, their risk-taking profile increases. For many categories of risky behavior, such as abuse of alcohol and reckless driving, young women are now more similar to young men. Yet, this phenomenon is an anomaly not seen in other societies throughout history.

Although gender differences in risk-taking are declining in the modern world, women are still lower on risk-taking, on average. The evolved gender difference is alive and well at the level of emotional predispositions. Women are more anxious than men, and that anxiety is one reason that they still live longer, healthier, lives..

1. Courtenay, W. H. (2000). Behavioral factors associated with disease, injury, and death, among men: Evidence and implications for prevention. Journal of Men’s Studies 9, 81-142.

2. Barber, N. (2012). Why atheism will replace religion: The triumph of earthly pleasures over pie in the sky. E-book, available at:http://www.amazon.com/Atheism-Will-Replace-Religion-ebook/dp/B008..

How to avoid Bad Emotions?

28 Oct

Emotions are contagious and we humans are so susceptible to be influenced or get affected by others emotions, whether good or bad. A bit of self awareness will help us in avoiding bad emotions and instead catch good set of emotions. You can’t control how someone else feels or reacts to situations, but you have complete control over how you respond to their emotions.The only person that can destroy you is “YOU” and the only person who can find a gem in you is “YOU“.

  1. Pay closer attention to your feelings in different circumstances and when you are with different individuals and groups. Identify the people or groups of people who regularly bring you down, drain you, or make you feel hurt, angry, frustrated, or stressed.
  2. Distance yourself when possible from those who infect you with their negativity. If you can’t completely remove yourself from the situation, as in workplace or project team, make sure that you take “breaks” where you do something that makes you happy, or spend time with positive people who make you feel up instead of down.
  3. Be happy and positive even when others around you are complaining or sad or angry. This will break the pattern of negativity. Include, as may positive comments as possible in conversations and create a positive environment.
  4. Don’t blame but speak to the person or people who are causing you to feel down or stressed or angry. Sometimes by simply pointing out to negative people what they are doing or how they are making you feel can motivate them to change. Most of the times people may not be aware of how they have been reacting unless a third person takes a courage to tell them.
  5. Take care of yourself. Love yourself. Much like a common cold or any other illness, if you are tired, weak, or hungry, you will be even more vulnerable to catching someone’s negative emotions. Make sure you get enough sleep. Eat well, exercise, and do some outdoor activities.

Moving Forward When Your Relationship has Ended

22 Sep

Hey, I cannot take this relationship any further…

What????

No, please you cannot do this to me, I love you…I love you a lot

Sorry, I cannot take this; it’s time to move on…..I have other commitments in life, I did not enter in to relationship for all this…..I can’t break trust of parents, I feel guilty, I need to focus on studies, etc……

No, you cannot do this, How can you forget the time we spent together, the relationship we shared? You are my life buddy…..I will never be get you off my mind…I love you a lot….I’ll die if you leave me…it hurts me a lot…it pains…please don’t…..I love you

Am sorry, I tried but…….Please, you can do it, please move-on, you will find someone better than me…

No… 😦 no one can replace you……you just can’t leave me….relationships aren’t made to be broken…..

Can you relate to above conversation? Have you ever experienced or witnessed any such scenario…I know it hurts 😦  truly hurts to core….

Moving on can be difficult. The longer you have been with someone, the harder it becomes. You just cannot imagine yourself without that person. Our brains often work against us, providing lots of evidence for, and reasons why, it makes sense to stay – hey, it’s comfortable to stay in familiar territory.  Also, If you are like most people, when this happens, you find yourself stuck in thinking about the past, wondering what went wrong, and unable to move from the pain of the relationship. You might even fear that any future relationship will turn out the same. It does not matter whether you left the relationship or were left—the best advice is to learn from the past and not carry old “baggage” into the new life you envision for yourself.

If one or more of the factors mentioned below is going on in your life, it’s time for a serious pause and some much-needed reflection.

Burnout:  So many of us are just emotionally and physically exhausted because of work overload, lack of control, insufficient reward, unfairness, breakdown of community, value conflict, frequent fights with partners, lack of acceptance and respect by partner, etc.If you are feeling burned out, it is time to have a serious conversation with yourself about alternatives.

You are becoming someone else: You changed for the person you loved. You changed the way you dress, have food, talk, your mannerisms, hair style, and everything that your loved one told you to change. And you did, because you love him/her. You stopped talking to your school friends or atleast reduced frequency of conversations with others so that you can spend more time with the person you love. You changed your sleeping patters. The only thing that’s on your mind is your loved one. And you do not complain about change because you did it for the person you truly love. And, one fine day when your loved one leaves you…your life is shattered …suddenly your life changes again. It started from who you were, what you became and what you will become. There are people who deal with break-ups positively, but no matter what, it leaves lifetime impressions on our mind and heart. It is difficult to be same again. When frequent changes in life start affecting you, it’s time to rethink over your relationship.

You learned the lesson(s) for life time: When you feel stuck, pause and ask yourself what you are supposed to learn from the person or situation. May be the break up with your girlfriend may force you to examine what you really wanted from your relationship. Once you understood that lesson, it becomes much easier to close that chapter in your life. It is easier said than done, but you have to put an end to your feelings someday and stop hurting yourself. Close the chapter but never forget the lessons learned.

Differences: Differences in values lead to problems and fights. If you value saving for a rainy day and your partner values spending money, what impact is that having on your relationship? If you value getting things done immediately and your partner values doing things tomorrow, what impact that will have? People are born and brought up in different environment and their thoughts, habits, preferences, values, family traditions differ a lot. You simply cannot say that you are right and the other person is wrong just because their point of view differs. You need to arrive to arrive at a common ground and respect what your partner values. If you find yourself having problem in accepting your partner as they are, it’s time to think again about relationship. Relationship demands love, care and respect.

Past relationships give you a clearer picture of what you want and what you do not want in a relationship if you take the time to examine them. It is the power of contrast that living in an unfulfilling relationship can give you that can lead to you creating the relationship that you do want.

What I have learned is that if a relationship has ended, it is not a bad thing or a failure that our society likes to label it. It just may be that you have learned what it is that you were supposed to learn by being with that other person and it’s time to move on to other “lessons.”

Also, when a relationship ends, very often we want to assign fault and blame, either to ourselves or to the other person. When you are in a healthy relationship with another person, both people are equally responsible for the relationship. If a relationship ends, the same thing usually applies. No matter who appears to be at fault when challenges come up, both people are responsible. You can only heal when you let go of assigning “fault” and “blame” and focus on what you want to change about yourself and what you want to create in a relationship. This can be a very difficult process if you are hanging on to the need to be right, anger, judgments and unexpressed resentments. Taking responsibility means accepting what is true about what you have or have not contributed to the relationship that ended and considering what you intend to contribute to relationships in the future.

When a relationship ends, it is tempting to shut down and vow never to get in another relationship again or even rush into a new relationship. Instead, you should take time to learn from past relationships, be thankful for where you are and start moving toward the relationships and life that you really want. I know it is difficult and painful but you have to do it.

Live, Love and Enjoy Life. Be Yourself

17 Sep

Some days are better than others. On the days that are simply awesome we end up being over productive, happy and full of life.  On those days that go less well, we usually end up being hard on ourselves, less productive and feel life like is being hard on us. Is there anything you do to avoid the ill effects of those bad days and not let them affect you? Of course, you can!! Here are few things that you can do to keep going and continue being awesome.

1. Keep going: I find that the best way to do things is to constantly move forward and to never doubt anything and keep moving forward, if you make a mistake say you made a mistake. Admitting a mistake will not make you look as looser but Infact people will respect your courage. Also, don’t let life’s changes throw you off track, but remember that most circumstances are temporary. Sunlight has to follow darkness. Gain more clarity by staying the course and channeling your energy in a positive direction. If you have will and eagerness to survive and channel your energy in right direction during those weak moments, you will sail through your problems successfully and will be proud of yourself.

2. Trust yourself. Your perceptions are derived from your feelings and your ability to be yourself, to own and trust yourself, and to say what you feel, even when it may be diametrically opposed to everyone else’s opinion. Believe in your inner self, no matter what, and you will grow from the experience. I believe that the answers usually lie within and you are probably smart enough to figure out what you need to do. It is only with one’s heart that one can see clearly. What is essential is invisible to the eye. Give yourself a little time and have patience.

3. Be friends with life: Remember that the world is not out to get you and it does not punish you. You do that to yourself. Learning to focus on other opportunities or in another direction can give you some perspective. Life is beautiful. Live it!!!

“Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.”

― Mother Teresa

4. Watch your thoughts: You become what you think. We are humans and our thinking will never be 100 percent positive. You must learn to dismiss the negative thoughts and stay open to other ideas that will help you move in a positive direction. Start recognizing negative thoughts and use your mind to control them.

5. Strength: Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.  Learn to access and direct your strengths to the highest good for all concerned. Believe that your strength can help you deal with anything. Remember that you have and will survive the worse.

6. Learn to love yourself: Self-esteem and self-love are issues that are often related together. If you suffer from low self-esteem, it is possible that the root cause is a case of insufficient self-love. When you don’t love yourself, you are basically telling the Universe that you are unworthy or undeserving of any love or positive outcomes that have the same vibrational match as love. Learning to love you starts with making a conscious decision, an intention to become happy and lead a fulfilled life. When you do not love yourself and suffer from low self-esteem, it is almost impossible to ever reach the potential that you suspect you have. Think about what makes you “YOU”. Just like a flower that needs watering to grow, learn to nurture yourself in every way.

Love yourself for all the good that you see and accept your flaws and the fact that you are imperfect. This does not mean that you do not learn to change from your shortcomings; instead, you are being gentle and kind to yourself despite all your “flaws”. Look in the mirror and fall in love with the reflection that is “You”.You do not have to be who you are today, and your life is not scripted. Changing how you feel about yourself means creating a strategy, gathering some new tools, and making yourself into the person you want to be. A good way to start is to stop doing things that hurt.

7. Desire: In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure. Desire can be a powerful motivating tool, but wanting something too much can be very painful and very expensive, so do not live beyond your means or desire for the unattainable. Seek your desire, but keep your integrity. The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential… these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.

8. Don’t get insulted: It is wise to be unemotional about critical comments. Human’s will always bump heads, but consider the source, and if it’s the other person’s issue, ignore it. Learn to respond instead of react, and don’t show your anger.

9. Recognize that disappointment is part of life: Even the most successful people have to deal with disappointment, but they have learned how to use it to get to the next level of life. Process your feelings, and then take some kind of action.

“We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.”- Martin Luther King, Jr.

10. Deal with your fears: Fear is a message. Do not dismiss it outright! Neither let fear dismiss judgment. Weigh all evidence in the balance, then act. If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but because of your estimate of it; and you have the power to revoke at any moment. Overcoming fear makes you stronger, and being a little scared can make you better.

11. Anger: Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy. Anger kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than he had been before – it takes something from him. Do not lose your focus of who you are and what you want to be and get blinded by anger.

Relationships: A two-way street

10 Sep

Love is the most profound emotion known to human beings. For most people, romantic relationships are the most meaningful element in their lives. But the ability to have a healthy, loving relationship is not innate. Almost all of us have experienced a failed relationship, and most of us have to work consciously to master the skills necessary to make them flourish. You don’t really live with the partner in your home. You live with the partner in your head.

Each one of us has differing values and ways of looking at the world, and we want different things from each other. Such differences derive from our genetically influenced temperaments, our belief systems, and experiences growing up in our family of origin. Sometimes a sock on the floor is just a sock on the floor. Do not let little irritations in to deeper problems.

Recently, I have been hearing a lot about fewer and fewer people getting married.  In fact, the recently released 2011 State of our Unions report from the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia reported that there has been a 50 percent decrease in marriage from 1970 to 2010 in United States. This may be due partly to more people living together, but even more so to an increase in lifelong singlehood.

On the other hand a research by Institute of Social Research shows that teenagers of both sexes still say that “a good marriage and family life” are “extremely important” to them. In spite of people’s preference for committed relationship, people’s faith in marriage has fallen over the last 30 years according to a research.

Is this drop in marriage and faith happening because more people are finding it harder to find a committed life partner, or that fewer people are sticking it out, or that some people don’t even want to be in a relationship? When people say that they prefer being single are they consciously or unconsciously hiding from the pain of not having the relationship they truly want?  In psychological term it is called “cognitive dissonance,” i.e. avoiding discomfort about what you are doing by justifying that you wouldn’t be doing that unless you had a good reason for it. People stop fixing you up with dates, because they believe you really prefer being single, even if you don’t really want to be. While some may be perfectly happy being single, for others, it may not be that they don’t want a relationship but that they have not figured out a way to have one that is fulfilling.

If you are finding it harder to find a committed partner, maybe you are looking in the wrong places. Instead of looking for the right partner to meet your needs, look for someone with whom you can create the right relationship to meet needs of you and your partner. Best way to deal with a problem is that if you are dissatisfied with partner, do not give up too soon but continue to work together on the relationship.

Commitment to the relationship as an entity, separate from and beyond just the two individuals is very important. The couple is greater than the sum of the parts. In every area of life, people who establish a clear vision are more likely to fulfill on it. Just envisioning yourselves as a committed couple is not enough. Once the challenges of jobs, kids and everyday life come along, it requires deliberate attempt from both sides to keep you on tack.

Every annoyance in a relationship is really a two-way street. Partners focus on what they are getting, not on what they are giving. But no matter how frustrating a partner’s behavior, your interpretation is the greater part of it. What matters is the meaning you attach to it. The ability to eliminate relationship irritants lies within each of us. They may sabotage good relationships or not. It all depends on how you interpret the problem.

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