Tag Archives: feelings

Isn’t first love an ultimate turn on?

2 Sep

Isn’t first love an ultimate turn on? Yes, it is 😉 I know you are thinking of someone right now 🙂

Any idea, why do decisions to marry that are made in the early stage of love, so called infatuation, often turn out to be a big mistake?

No matter how good the match you think, infatuation, even in the best of marriages, is only a temporary occurrence associated with newness and insecurity.

According to psychologist Dorothy Tennov who found that the duration of infatuation typically lasts at most “between approximately 18 months and three years.” Circumstances like a long-distance relationship or chronic relationship insecurity may artificially extend the tingling phenomenon, at the cost of delaying the shift either into a departure from the relationship or into commitment to a mature and reliable love partnership.

It’s easy to confuse loving the feeling of infatuation with the totally separate issue of how loving you are toward that person after the infatuation has worn off. The infatuation is the short-term relationship. There’s nothing else there. No shared vision or values of the life pathways you both want. Minimal shared interests. Not much to talk about after the initial getting-to-know-you exchanges. You are so caught up in the amazing chemistry of initial attraction that you can’t, or don’t want to, see who the person really is. You lose your ability to be objective and logical reasoning during those moments of short-lived beauty. Your partner becomes the world to you and you don’t see anyone else – no friends, colleagues, parents, etc., Just TWO of “YOU”.

You know you are infatuated and at the same time may know that the person is bad for you but don’t want to accept the truth. You should accept that you are infatuated when you are moving towards marriage but find yourself thinking about someone you have dated in the past, or looking at others you might date in the future. Be honest, you know at some level that you are wasting your time enjoying being infatuated with someone whom you wouldn’t want to marry.

At the same time also think, you may be infatuated but the other person may be truly in love with you. What you get is short-term pleasure and your partner may end up being heart-broken and depressed for lifetime. And, you really can’t compensate the pain and distress you caused to your partner, whom you once thought that you loved but infact that was just an infatuation. Would you really let this happen if you were truly in love with your partner? No. But when its infatuation it’s easy to move-on for the person breaking-up.

I am not saying that infatuation is worthless thing and has no magic of its own. I am aware of cases where the initial infatuation did end up in love and lifelong marriages. So, are all initial strong feelings untrustworthy?  NO, Strong feelings alone do not make a good match make, but strong feelings plus good sense can enable couples to make a marriage choice early on, that leads to a relationship that proves to be long-lasting and ever-loving.

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